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HERNANDO AND CITRUS COUNTY
A woman walked into Beall’s and piled $944.97 worth of merchandise into her cart and onto her person. The haul included: a ton of miscellaneous jewelry, a red purse, a blue purse, two blue wallets, a black wallet, and a partridge in a pear tree. When arrested, this sticky-fingered woman said she stole the items because she didn’t have money for Christmas presents. She doesn’t have to worry about Christmas now because she also does not have money to post a $2,000 bond and will be cooling her heels in jail until her court date on Jan. 1.
A man was stopped by law enforcement for passing another car in a no passing zone. When the deputy began to question him, he could smell marijuana wafting out the window. A search of his car turned up a baggie containing 55.7 grams of weed in a cardboard box. When the deputy checked him out, he learned that the man’s driver’s license had been suspended two years earlier for failure to pay child support. Tip to bozo: If you’re stupid enough to break the law two times, don’t compound it by driving like an idiot and carrying a ton of pot.
A woman went shopping at Dollar General and left her cell phone valued at $500 on the check-out counter. She returned to the store and reported it and, sure enough, some creep had made off with it. However, the sheriff’s deputy on the case recognized the thief from “numerous previous encounters.” And, when he went to the man’s home to arrest him, the sleazebag was still wearing the same clothing as the store’s surveillance video showed. He said the phone was in his car and added, “I made a stupid mistake. I seen an opportunity and took it.” In addition to giving up on his thieving ways, this guy could also use a grammar lesson.
Over at Walmart, store security recognized a 76-year-old man they had caught a month earlier stealing merchandise in the hardware department back in the store selecting two Christmas inflatables worth $98 and loading them into his shopping cart, then proceeding to the toy department where he snatched $109 worth of miscellaneous stuff he later said was Christmas gifts for his grandson. They watched as the geezer went to the garden department, ripped the labels off everything, threw them on the floor and left the store without bothering to pay. When questioned by law enforcement, he apologized and said he had sold the inflatables to buy food. He won’t have to worry about going hungry for a long while as he was on probation for the sale and delivery of heroin and will be eating prison food for free.
A woman went into her boyfriend’s bedroom where he was sleeping and threw a cup of coffee at him. Then, she picked up a solid wood ashtray that was full of butts and threw it at his forehead causing a cut on his head. Hey, have you ever heard of an alarm clock??
Out front of Walmart, Law enforcement spied some miscreant rummaging through the container for cigarette butts outside the entrance. Curious to know what the creep was up to, they questioned him and called in the info. It seems he had been issued a trespass order from the store and was not allowed on the property. He was arrested and taken to jail. What a butt head!
Law enforcement was dispatched to a woman’s home to arrest her for making four hang-up calls to 911. Each of the times she called, she had no emergency. She told the 911 operators that she “wanted a ride to Homosassa.” She was advised that, if she continued to misuse the 991 number, she would be reported to the authorities. After the fifth call, law enforcement was summoned. When arrested, she stated, I’ll keep calling 911 until I get a deputy that will give me a ride.” She got her ride all right—straight to jail!
Some deviant over at Walmart busied himself swiping 31 items throughout the store worth more than $300, then trying to exit without paying. He was no stranger to theft at this store. Employees easily ID’d him, as he had been caught after previous filching forays at Walmart. As the report stated, the staff even knew his name and how to spell it. Law enforcement caught up with this sticky-fingered skunk at his residence and took him into custody. In his weak defense, he uttered, “It was stupid to try and steal from Walmart. I was wondering when you guys would come get me.” Dreams do come true…
Meanwhile, over at Dollar General, law enforcement questioned a woman who had hidden some clothing items under her jacket in her cart. A store manager was following right behind her watching and stopped her as she left the store without paying. The woman said she forgot to pay for the items because they were (wink, wink) hiding under her jacket in the cart. When asked to open her purse, law enforcement found three more items she had conveniently forgotten about. Finally, she owned up and said she had pilfered the items because “money was tight around Christmas time.” Apparently, it was tight before because she had been arrested two other times for the same offense. The third time was not the charm…
Deputies went to the house of a woman who had received a package not meant for her. When they began searching her house for the package, they smelled weed but couldn’t figure out where the smell was coming from. When they entered the back porch, they found several dried marijuana branches full of bulbs, weighing one pound, hanging from a string from the ceiling. The woman said it belonged to her husband. When questioned, the husband admitted the pot was his and was arrested. So… what happened to the package??
Over at Kohl’s, a Canadian woman stole four silver bracelets valued at $79.96 and put them in her purse. When questioned by authorities, she said she made a “mistake.” She broke the Golden Rule when she stole the silver bracelets.